Great Unexplainable Things (or People Never Learn)

There are two things that will never make sense, no matter how hard one tries. As rational, intelligent people, it’d be best if we could accept this and move on. Leave well-enough alone, and all that malarkey. (I like the word malarkey, but I’m not entirely positive about what it means)

1. Women

Let’s face it, no one is ever going to figure them out. They just aren’t. End of story! Game over, man! Game over!

It’s not like women are 5D square — this is the common assumption many people make. 5d squares are difficult to comprehend, but there are mathematical formulas that *might* explain them.

If you don’t know what a 5D square is, then let me explain:

  • There aren’t 1D squares — I think. Well, let’s assume there aren’t.
  • A 2D square is a square. If you don’t know what one is then stop reading and go take your medication.
  • A 3D square is a cube. The best way of thinking about it is that each side of a 2d square becomes it’s own square!
  • A 4D square is a hypercube. No rational human being can hope to understand it without getting a headache, but the best way of thinking about it — although you shouldn’t try, I’m warning you, you’re mind will fart — is that it’s a cube where each side is a cube. Ach!
  • A 5D square is a ??!? I actually have no idea. I imagine it’d have to be a 4D square where each side is even more painful to think about.

Don’t get me wrong, women are awesome. If it were up to me, I’d treat them like Pokemon.

If you don’t know what a woman is, then let me explain:

  • They are intelligent, sentient creatures that would be better off without us men.
  • The have a number of special abilities:
    • Once a month they can bleed without dying.
    • Living creatures will grow inside them if they mess up and forget to take their pills.
    • They’re beautiful to look at, but, like a museum, you shouldn’t touch.
    • They smell nice.
  • Keira Knightley is their leader.

Women are awesome, but they aren’t NP-Complete.

No, NP-Complete has nothing to do with World of Warcraft. Why do I have to explain everything to you this post? I haven’t even gotten to what I want to talk about — I hadn’t even planned on discussing women or mathematics or whatever it is Iā€™m talking about right now. Golly!

Anyway, if you don’t know what NPC is, then let me explain:

Basically, all I was trying to say is that there is a better chance we’ll be able to determine the complexity of NP-Complete problems than we have of figuring out the first thing about women. At least, we’ll mathematically figure out more about NP-Complete problems than we will mathematically figure out about women.

2. The Big Bang Theory

If you don’t know what the Big Bang Theory is, then let me explain:

The theory states that X-jillian years ago all matter in the universe was in a single point and then exploded out (aka in a Big Bang).

Well, the problem is not the theory itself — that’s pretty well understood — but the infallible belief that learned men and women have in it.

Normally, a theory should have an existence proof or, at the least, some supporting evidence behind it. Later, when contradictory evidence is found, the theory has to change or die.

The problem with the Big Bang Theory is that almost all evidence is contradictory. Scientists invent things like ‘universe inflation‘ and stop trusting the speed of light — at least when it doesn’t suit their purposes. It’s sad, because if anyone should be rational, it should be the learned men and women of science.

For a long time I have wondered how to convince these smart people to reject their ignorant ways. I thought that I might be able to understand why someone would need to believe something that seems so ludicrous, but there are too many questions. How could all matter be in the same place at the same time? How did it get there? What would cause it to leave? Was it bored?

I’ve come to three conclusions:

  1. A lot of people have been misled. There shouldn’t be any blame against these people. It’s what we were taught in school.
  2. People need to believe something. A person that doesn’t have anything to believe in would be no better than a soulless automation built for killing and/or destruction.
  3. You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose.

So I’ve come to accept that some people hold irrational beliefs about the ‘Big Bang Theory’, and they always will. To put it bluntly: If the sky opened, a messiah descended on the backs of winged horses, cured all disease, famine, and whatnot, and gave out a description of the origin of the universe that didn’t involve a Big Bang — the next day there would be a lot of scientists converting to atheism.

I just had a scary thought: a female scientist advocating the Big Bang Theory. Double mystery bonus time!

About lordpi

World's Foremost Satirist, Aspirant
This entry was posted in Truth. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Great Unexplainable Things (or People Never Learn)

  1. Nicole says:

    Funny post šŸ™‚

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